- Ten Characteristics of Those with Codependent Behavior
- Feeling responsible for solving others’ problems: The codependent feels the need to solve another’s problems. The codependent believes that help is needed and that the person in need cannot manage to make the right decisions or take the right actions to solve his or her own problems. Without the codependent’s input, disaster for the other person is assured.
- Offering advice to others whether it is asked for or not: The codependent jumps at the opportunity to provide much-needed advice. The codependent offers an endless stream of good advice regardless of whether the advice has been asked for or not.
- Expecting others to do what the codependent says: Once advice has been given, the codependent expects the advice to be followed. Codependents often do not understand boundaries.
- Feeling used and unappreciated for all the codependent does: The codependent will expend enormous amounts of energy to take charge of another’s life-all under the guise of sincerely wanting to help. When the help or advice is ignored or rejected, the codependent feels angry, abused, and unappreciated.
- Trying to please people so others will like or love the codependent: Codependents will go out of their way to please another, hoping to receive love, approval, or be accepted and liked. If the approval is not given, the codependent will feel victimized.
- Taking everything personally: Because there are little to no boundaries in the codependent’s life, any remark, comment or action is a reflection back upon the codependent. This makes the need to feel in control paramount.
- Feeling like a victim: Everything that happens either to the codependent or the loved one is a reflection on the codependent. Such people usually feel victimized and powerless and do not understand their role in creating their own reality.
- Using manipulation, shame, or guilt to control others’ behavior: To get their way codependents will respond in a fashion that will force compliance by others. These tactics may be unconscious. Since everyone else’s behavior is a reflection on the codependent, it is important that the codependent feel in control.
- Lying to themselves and making excuses for others’ bad behavior: Because codependents do not deal directly with their feelings, they develop techniques to lie to themselves about others’ behaviors. Because they feel responsible for others’ behaviors, they will rationalize and blame others for their loved one’s poor behavior or blame themselves for another’s poor behavior, seeking to maintain control.
- Fearing rejection and being unlovable: The codependent fears that if he or she is not successful at everything, or indeed expresses his/her feelings or needs, they will be rejected. In a codependent’s way of thinking, he or she will be unlovable. A codependent does not trust others easily or share openly because he or she will be exposed.
- Do you avoid confrontation?
- Do you neglect your needs to attend to another’s first?
- Do you accept verbal or physical abuse by others?
- Do take responsibility for the actions of others?
- Do you feel shame when others make mistakes?
- Do you do more than your share at work, at home or in organizations?
- Do you ask for help?
- Do you need others’ validation to feel good about yourself?
- Do you think everyone’s feelings are more important than your own?
- Do you suffer from low self esteem
Symptoms Of Codependency
- A pattern of unstable personal relationships.
- Inability to be alone for any extended period.
- Chronic boredom and emptiness.
- Self-sacrificing nature.
- The overwhelming need for love and affection.
- Control issues.
- Dishonesty and denial.
- Low self-worth.
